‘Twas a rainy Thursday eve when the bang and bong of the distant Bodhran called to the wandering dregs – the waifs and the fair. Wizards, trolls and other hep cats (notwithstanding louds in suits to whom it was a novelty not to be getting hepped up on WKD, Lynx and titty bars) gather to sample liquids whose names are occasionally as distasteful as their flavours.
Editor’s note: herewith follows recorded tasting notes from an estimable expedition of the staff of The Romantic Hen to the Great British Beer Festival, Earl’s Court, Thursday 6th August, 2009.
1. Meare Cider
C: “Very dry. Like wine.”
S: “A bit like wee. But nice.”
2. Minchew Cider
S: “Like being kicked in the crotch by a sawdust monster.”
C: “Hicksville.”
3. Blackadder
S: “Elderberry soap.”
C: “The smoke of a peat bog cottager’s fire.”
4. Grizzly Beer
C: “Like a tangy autumn field – lovely.”
S: “A fiery strawberry. With an afterkick of coal that might on reflection be from the Blackadder (above).”
5. Cowslip Wine
S: “Grassy undertones, unnatural sweetness crushes the palate.”
C: “Glassy overtones, ersatz saccharinity grinds the stomach.”
Judge #1
6. Mead
C: “Figureskating to baroque music upon a lake of frozen honey. On FIRE.”
S: “Honeydew drops on a plateau of peaches.”
7. Mary’s Ruby Mild
S: “Pollenated Asperger’s poppy shaft.”
C: “It’ll put hairs on your hairs.”
8. Cornish Blonde Wheat Beer
S: “Gerard Depardieu milking a wheat cow on a Pyrénéesean sunset.”
C: “Wheaty.”
Judge #2
9. Lion’s Roar
S: “The glistening of a barley field on a virginal October morn.”
C: “Simon’s a gaylord.”
10. Tanglefoot
C: “Like somebody caramelised Jon Snow.”
S: “A sealion hunting badgers in a barley orgy.”
11. Shuttleworth Snap
S: “A crepuscular clasp of dandelions.”
C: “Blonde.”
12, isn’t it? Great Northern
C: “Tastes like mahogany false teeth.”
S: “A wreck of seals splashing out a sand dune in the Orkneys.”
Amanda: “Mega kicking! Football.”
S: “Use your imagination, use your imagination, yeah.”
Honourary judge Amanda
Addendum: found following day, 1 x couple’s membership pack for CAMRA, including Good Beer Guide 2009. Damned real ale wizards. Especially John at the membership stand whose birthday was March the 3rd and liked Catherine’s earrings, and his friend who filled the form out for Simon because he couldn’t read his credit card numbers. See you next year.
Tasting notes, Great Northern
Filed under: By Simon & Catherine, Photographs, Reviews Tagged: | ale, beer, blackadder, blonde wheat beer, camra, cider, cowslip wine, great northern, grizzly beer, lager, lion's roar, mary's ruby mild, mead, meare, minchew, real ale, shuttleworth snap, tanglefoot, wine
