Busted Paradigms
With Lord Swine
Hail, well met, my plebeian brethren,
I would like to apologise for that mischievous bout of swine-flu gab I released into the media recently. The chaps down at the club and I thought it would be a devilsome jape but failed to anticipate quite the response it provoked. I understand now that my actions were regrettably naughty.
As a symbol of my deepest regret for this mishap I would like to give back to the world from which I have taken so much.
What to do? Donate to charity? Solve the Middle east? Give of my blood? Cliches, all. What does humanity need that only I can give? Then it hit me. We are plagued, are we not, in this ineffably troubled age, by but one grim spectre in need of slaying: that of the stultified paradigm, sleeping, corpulent and bloated, in our collective unconscious. I give you… my Busted Paradigms!
Unfortunately my first effort at paradigm busting didn’t go very well, and was in fact just a list of people I don’t like with a rude word next to each one (I thank my good friend Phil, the Duke of Edinburgh and Consort To The Monarch of The Realm, for pointing this error out to me; he has saved my blushes on more than one occasion). My second effort was slightly more successful: though still not yet quite what I imagine a busted paradigm to look like, it is at least in the form of a table, which I have attached below. Small steps, my friends, small steps.
I will consult my muse and hope to master this toilsome art of busting paradigms, preferably wide open, like an ailing battleship fleeing the skirmish that has ill-treated her so. Please check back at a later date for evidence of my perseverance, greater revelries and the loftier stretches of the world’s paradigms.
Yours in God
Lord Swine
Busted Paradigm #1
| Stuff People Don’t Like | Stuff People Do Like |
|---|---|
| Chocolate | Drawing on their arm as a surprise |
| Sunshine | Out of date gift vouchers |
| Horses Sneezing | A well-timed rant about Betamax |
| Heirlooms | Imaginary diseases |
| Buttered crumpets | Inciting media hysteria |
| This YouTube video: | Jimmy Carr |
